Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Randomize
