Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
