We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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