so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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