Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
send nudes
from the living room?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
