His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
