I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
