tell your sister to shave her snatch
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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