You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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