You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Green mimosas i think yes
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
