I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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