Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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