Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
