hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
