you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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