thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
