You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
