i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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