So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Randomize
