In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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