I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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