I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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