I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I was not drunk enough for that final.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
