It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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