I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
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