guys are not supposed to queef...right?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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