Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
