I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
