Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
