So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
