I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
