I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
