At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
