He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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