Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
