My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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