the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
i now understand why vodka
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
