note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
