I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
