whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize
