Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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