dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
