Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
