Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Randomize
