i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
it's like iHOP with fire
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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