Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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