I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
