im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Dick very happy bro
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
