While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
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