Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
