she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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